Ways to Survive a Breakup Without It Breaking You!
Ending a romantic
relationship can be quite a painful experience. Depending upon your frame of
mind, it can also be a time of empowerment and growth. Read this article to
learn how to survive your breakup without breaking down.
1. Gain closure, if
If you still have
questions about your breakup or feel that you need to get something off your
chest, send your ex a letter or email. Note: you do not want to see him or her
in person. You want to communicate in a manner that is productive. By writing
a letter, you can take the time to craft a letter to say exactly what you want
to say. You'll be able to say what you need to say without being interrupted.
Be sure to edit your letter over and over again until you have the letter with
the pertinent topics and free of inflammatory language. You just want to get
closure and understanding so you will be able to move on with your life or
clear up any misunderstandings. DO NOT see your partner in person for this
closure session. You may be tempted to get into a shouting match or jump into
bed and rekindle the passion on a relationship that is destined to fail.
2. Recognize that
feeling sad and blue after a breakup is a normal natural process of grieving.
The pain of breaking up
is actually a good thing. This pain forces us to let go of the relationship
and be willing to move on with your life.
3. Take good care of
yourself while you are going through this grieving process.
Any emotional upset will
drain your body much like a bout with the flu, so get enough sleep, eat right,
and exercise .
4. Allow yourself a
long enough grieving period before entering another relationship.
You are setting yourself up
for even more pain, if you immediately run into another relationship to rescue
yourself from the intense pain you may be experiencing. The rebound
relationship is almost sure to be doomed for failure. Your new partner will be
stuck with getting the backlash of undeserved negative emotions that you had
for your former partner. Do yourself a favor and allow yourself a 4 to 1 break
from relationships. For example, if you were in a relationship that lasted 4
months allow yourself a one-month respite before becoming emotionally involved
with another partner
5. Avoid spending time
with or talking to your ex-partner.
After your closure
letter (optional step 1), resist the urge to contact with your ex-partner.
Allow yourself and your partner time to heal from the painful and powerful
emotions that follow a breakup. Sometimes when you are in the midst of your
emotional pain you forget the logical reasons that caused either you or your
partner to call it quits. There was a reason you broke up.
6. Be sure to find
activities to fill your time.
Now that you are not
spending all of your time with your significant other, there is a tendency to
sit at home and mope. You may even feel a bit lost, and not know what to do
with this unstructured time. Be sure to fill this time with something
enjoyable such as taking up a new hobby or calling a friend.
7. Be sure to utilize
your support system.
Call a friend and vent,
cry on their shoulder, or do whatever it takes to purge yourself of your
feelings of sadness and feelings of betrayal.
8. Bring out your
Take out your flaming
pen and write one of those no-bars held, tell it like it is, I've got to get
this off my chest UNSENT letter. Note: Do NOT send this to your former
partner. This is for your eyes only and should be used to help you get all of
those gut-wrenching emotions out of your gut and on to paper. After you have
read your UNSENT letter either to yourself or a trusted friend, burn the
letter. As you watch the letter burn, imagine all of your hurt and pain going
up in smoke.
9. Evaluate what went
wrong in the relationship.
Take time after you've
processed and purged some of the powerful and painful emotions to be brutally
honest about what went wrong with the relationship. Take ownership for the
things that you did that were damaging to the relationship. Take ownership for
not noticing the red flags or asking enough questions. Determine if you have
been prone to repeating the same mistakes relationship after relationship. If
you need help sorting this out, seek the help of a relationship coach or
therapist so that you'll be able to be more conscious and successful in your
10. Use your Higher
Power, prayer, and meditation.
Use your Higher Power to
sustain you through this difficult time and help you grow as a person. Read
inspirational materials; gain strength from your faith; learn how to
experience the peace in the middle of the storm. Remember, "that which does
not destroy me, makes me stronger."
About the Submitter:
This piece was originally
submitted by Linda Lovejoy, MA, LMHC, For Further
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