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TANTRIC
LISTENTING
What I mean by Tantric is the choice to accept and embrace all of life,
unconditionally. 'Tantric' naturally marries and qualifies 'Listening,' which is
the most essential skill a human being can master in order to relate to others.
It nourishes the vision of mutually beneficial exchanges, where all parts are
equally cherished, acknowledged and empowered.
1. Silence your mind.
Decide you
won't speak until you are reasonably silent inside. Should your
mind be running a marathon, commit to not engage in any
conversation until you feel relaxed again.
2. Be a clear motivational listener.
What are
your intentions, your motivations in engaging in a conversation?
Do you have any agendas, any undelivered communication that could
create friction? Do you have anything to prove? Choose to be happy
rather than right.
3. Hear it: this is only a test.
Think of the
next conversation as an exercise in self-mastery. Can you forget
yourself for a moment, your needs, your wants, your desires, and
really meet the other being as a beautiful expression of life, and
his story as an awesome creation?
4. Exercise all your senses.
Listening is
a deliberate action, where each sense is a gate to the message.
Open to listening with your eyes, with your hands, with your nose,
even if your communication happens on the phone. Literally taste
her words.
5. Dance with your partner.
Think of
listening as a romance, as the most generous gesture of love you
could offer your date. Imagine your listening being the coat you
lay on water for her to not wet her feet. Acknowledge what she
says, as you move with her in a synchronized rhythm, by nodding,
asking questions, and getting consensus.
6. Adopt an explorer mind.
See if you
can stop assuming that you know what he is going to say, and truly
listen, bringing the same attentiveness you would have to the
whodunit movie whose ending you did not know.
7. Relax and have fun.
Enjoy
yourself; you may be surprised how pleasant a conversation
becomes, when you release your need for control. A breath of fresh
air, indeed. Inhale the energizing flavor of such listening into
your lungs, into your heart.
8. Respond and connect.
Practice
response-ability, rather than emotional reaction. This is Tantra
we are choosing, not tantrum! Do not take anything personally.
Remind yourself that this is not about "you!"
9. Shift into compassion.
Imagine what
it would feel like to be in her shoes. Stretch a little, and ask
yourself where you might have done or been the very thing you are
passing judgment on.
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